My so called life

When it rains...

2006-10-30T08:33:00.000-08:00

Bad luck really does come in three's... today is not the greatest day of my life and i'm just so glad that it is almost over... I started out the day quite normally... no sense of foreboding or a feeling of dread about things to come... It was just a normal albeit rainy Monday morning for me and so i thought... I would have been better off just staying in bed...

I woke up at eight thirtyish, took a bath, got dressed and went to work... I have barely gotten my butt into my office chair when our account manager from Mandarin called me and told me that my Contracted Staff forgot to cancel our reservation for a workshop that were supposed to be having that day (but was cancelled) and that they will be charging us the whole nine yards for the hotel rental... Just that... no sympathy coming from her but just a brisk. dismissing manner of talking to me as if she has better things to do with her time than waste it being on the phone with me... What the F??? ... This is not a good way to start my Monday... so there i was... stunned and confused ... like a deer caught in giant headlights and it's not even 10 AM yet... somebody please kill me now! How the hell am i supposed to explain to my boss that we would be charged for hotel fees for an event that did not even happen?... Good thing, my boss was quite understanding about the hoopla and asked me to just charge it to experience (and to our learning budget) ... (but still, i was embarassed to high heavens! I felt like the biggest idiot ever to have forgotten to follow up something as trivial as this!)... However, as Richard Fish of Ally McBeal would say, Bygones!and so it is... I thought that that was the end of it... Crisis number 1 averted and i can go on my merry way towards being a diligent employee on a normal work day... But no! There's more! With whatever cruel curse that has beset me this day, Crisis number 2 is just around the corner! I dropped my precious cellphone in the toilet bowl of our office CR during lunchbreak... (how's that for sanitary?)... Barely thinking about the ick factor, i immediately fished out my beloved N70 and subjected it to a thorough drying with our restroom's hand dryer (now, that's what you call ingenuity!) ... But of course, having been subjected to a thorough soaking, it won't even turn on... My LCD screen was swimming with water that i could have bought fishes and turn it into an aquarium screensaver... Dragging Nicey with me, i hightailed it to SMART's offices and sought the help of my friendly friend Ching to have it repaired (Thank God for having friends in all the right places!)... With service unit in tow and drenched with the rain, i went back to the office to complete the rest of this hellish workday... 7 PM arrived and Alvin picked me up... i thought that that was the end of it but when i got home... my DVD player was acting up! I was looking forward to a relaxing evening, watching my DVD's to forget about the stresses of the day but oh, no! This frickin' day won't even give me that... Who ever said that Friday the 13th is the unluckiest day of the year is wrong! For me it's Monday the 30th...

All things aside... at least i still have my sanity around me today... i didn't let this day get the best of me eventhough i could have screamed in frustration already about being so doggone unlucky ( believe me... it took a lot of willpower coz i really wanted to!) ... Hopefully, the streak ends here and when the clock strikes 12, i would have a new set of threes and they would be good luck! So tomorrow, where are you? Please be here now! Heaven knows, i need you so bad!

Woman... Thy name is VANITY...

2006-10-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

If i measure my life in minutes and seconds... i guess i would have spent about 2/3 of that life grooming myself, getting dressed and taking a bath... These three chores are big time events for me... Unlike other people who just come into the bathroom, wet their hair, soa p up and then rinse off... I go through a whole ritual of cleansing myself and making sure that i' p>

Women are genetically engineered to be vain... Sure, there are some females who couldn't care less if they use nothing more than an ordinary bar of soap when cleaning up, but somewhere deep inside of them i know that there is an untapped resource of vanity that they have dared not open yet... After all, there's nothing more exhilirating and empowering than seeing yourself all glowing, eyes shiny with the latest shimmer, stepping into the latest stilletos designed by Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik and wearing your Friday nights best… For me, the moment that a woman goes through all of this is the time when she truly feels as if she can conquer the world…

Of course a lot of girls go through all of these to attract a man… but I say, why can’t we also do it to please ourselves? For me, seeing that despite my size, I can still wear funky and fashionable clothes and hearing people comment that I am really “kikay” and always well groomed (and not in a sarcastic way) … I am flattered up to the tips of my toes and I really feel that that is one helluva compliment for me… I may not have much going for me but at least I still have that…

However, contrary to others, I don’t shop or make myself up to attract anyone but I do it for the sheer pleasure of doing it… because I like it and because It makes me feel good… (the compliments are just an added and u nexpected bonus!) …that is when vanity is tolerable… But if your entire life revolves around making yourself pretty… or when you’ve reached the point that you can’t talk about anything else but the latest Obagi product or what Bobbi Brown would do in times of a nail snag… then vanity can easily transform into narcissism… In the end, It still all comes down to balance… Knowing when enough is enough or too much is too much… Ironically however, too much and enough is also a matter of taste…

I guess till the end of the world…men would still never understand why we go through all the trouble of all of these…Of finding that perfect balance between too much and enough…Of having to put on make up for hours just to look natural…Of having our hair rebonded, dyed, permed, highlighted/lowlighted… of having our foot and hands manicured and pedicured spa’ed and parafinned… or of going through hours and hours scouring the racks of Mango or Zara just to look for the greatest finds… They may grumble about it… complain to high heavens or act as if waiting for us at the salon was the greatest tragedy that ever befell them… But in the end… seeing the looks on their faces right when we go out the door for a gimmick … We don’t need words… We just know that the 1 hour bath…The battle with the hairdryer and the mascara from Shu Eumura was all worth it! J

RAINY DAYS AND MEN-DAYS...

2006-09-30T06:04:00.000-07:00

So...it's only either one of these two things... either you're out of the country or you've been swimming in a tub of novocaine for you not to have felt or even known the devastation who went by the name of "milenyo"... Last Thursday was something for the books for me... I've never experienced anything like it... I mean, seriously! I will never take another storm warning for granted again...

The day started out really great... i woke up to a text message from my officemate Nice, advising me not to come to work anymore since it was officially declared a work from home day... with a smile on my face and almost giddy with joy over the thought of an unplanned day off, i burrowed under the covers and went on to persuade my better half, alvin not to go to work anymore... But of course, being the stubborn guy that he's very well known to be, and him thinking that the UST-ADMU finals will still push through... (heaven knows where he got that idea... i mean even the players would boycott their own game because of the impending disaster)... he went on to take a bath and decided to battle the streets of EDSA which has been literally transformed into "fallen billboard" avenue to get to work (he doesn't get brownie points from me for being hardworking... only exasperation since he just doesn't know when to listen and he still can't understand that I AM ALWAYS RIGHT! hehe!)... After he went out of the house, i was left alone to fend for myself... With DVD's on hand, i proceeded to take a bath only to get back into jammies to enjoy the rest of my "alone" day to my heart's content... But lo and behold...Milenyo had other friggin' plans...

He arrived! and oh boy! did he make his presence felt... My whole condo unit was shaking from the strength of the winds and i am literally cowering in fear not knowing what to do... I called Alvin for like ten times since most of our bedroom is already getting flooded by then (and i tell you the whistling sound that the wind's making does not help at all in making me calm)...armed with only a mop and a bucket for defense... i was beside myself with panic (times like these, i wish i've never moved out of my grandma's house)... After seriously begging alvin to just pack up and come home, he finally did! at like 3 PM when the worst was over and when total calm has finally settled over the metro... he finally walked in the door and could only talk about what he went through driving through the flooded streets... he did this repeatedly... As if his fate was worst than mine when i literally pulled together everything i can just so he would still have a house to come home to!I bit my tongue to keep on saying i told him so... (i Mean, he had no right to complain if he'd only listen to me in the first place!)... I was dead tired, But on the other hand, i felt happy that at least he was home and i finally have someone to talk to... (I was already beside myself with boredom at this point since electricity went KAPUT at least three hours before and along with it my cellphones battery)... After nagging for what seemed like an eternity, he went to lie on the bed and he immediately zonked out! (so much for the conversation!)... He slept on and on until the sun went down, leaving me to get even more bored than i was previously... only now, i wanna kill him since he was taking up all of my bed space!
To pass the time, I sang, talked to myself, read a magazine with the help of a flashlight and looked out the window staring at "THE COLUMNS" flaunting their well lit units and making me green with envy... (why, oh, why? was i not born rich for me to be able to afford a unit in a condo with a generator?)... All of these, i did while mosquitoes were making a veritable feast out of me...At 9 PM Alvin finally wakes up and asked me if i cooked dinner for him already (At this point, i was royally pissed and hot and i would have already given my arm and leg just to be able to watch even Gerry Geronimo's show on TV)... Of course, that got a rise out of me... and even alvin was mega PO'd since he really can't stand not having the necessities of the modern world around him especially his beloved computer! Just when we were about to kill each other, MERALCO intervened and gave us our electricity back at 10 PM (aren't we lucky? :) It's my turn to gloat since half of the metro is still plunged into darkness as of today, Saturday, and i didn't even have to suffer overnight without it... AHHH! the perks of living in the Central business district)... Once, the electricity's back on... Alvin and i were back to our (ab) normal? loving selves...

I know that i am really lucky to be just complaining about 8 hours without electricity and a little water getting into my house and being with a big baby (whom even if he's like that i still absolutely love!) when a lot of less unfortunate people are without homes right now or even worse, family members... Goes to show that even with the boredom and the panic and the fear i've felt... i am still really, awfully, seriously blessed just to be writing this piece in front of a working computer... after all we're one of the 9% where MERALCO immediately restored power to on the exact, same day...

And so it is...

2006-09-26T08:54:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming up in a about a weeks time and i'm hitting the big THREE- O! yes siree! even if it pains me to just think about it, much less say it out loud, i am indeed turning thirty... so what's the big, freakin deal? I feel as if i am not much different to the me i was ten years ago and the me i am today (except maybe for the fact that high school boys and girls everywhere can now officially call me OLD!)...

I've always believed that numbers are just a state of mind...and that age really doesn't matter... but on the other hand, in so many, many ways it really does... (and i mean this in a good way and not in a sarcastic way which more often than not, i am)...

So you ask me, what's good about being old? Let me start with my countdown:

1. I can now make adult decisions on my own without fear of being scolded much less made feel guilty by other people...
2. I can now go after a high powered job without being questioned because " i am too young" to get it.
3. I can now make and spend my own money
4. INDEPENDENCE BABY!
5. I can now say "because i said so" with all the authority i can muster to my younger brother.
6. I have ten times more confidence than i have ten years ago
7. I've learned and experienced a lot of things that i know i shouldn't, ever do again.
8. I now know the difference between falling in love and infatuation without checking a self help book
9. I have already proven that the friends i have right now are the friends i'll keep...
10. and did i mention Independence? :)

I know that being thirty comes with a lot of repercussions too...the frown lines, the financial baggage, the fear of what lies ahead...

i still remember that at the fresh, young age of 17, i met a thirty year old man who showed a slight interest in me and the reason i gave my cousin for not liking him was because " THIRTY NA YAN NO? ANG TANDA NA KAYA NYAN?" (ouch!) and now here i am... on the other side of the fence... Slightly older... slightly damaged but seriously more matured and raring to tackle the coming years...

SO WHAT'S SAD ABOUT BEING THIRTY? I say... NOTHING! So come on Thirty! Hit me with your best shot and bring it on! :)

OLD FRIEND

2006-09-26T08:04:00.000-07:00

For the longest time i have tried...
to bury you in the deepest recess of my mind
until today that you came knocking...
driving me to remember the time thats forgotten

It's even more painful today ...
than what i remembered it to be like then
But you still bring me the same bittersweet joy...
Much like when i clung to you after a great big storm

Are you for real?
or will you leave after a while?
No matter what, welcome back...
My heart is once again willing to believe your lies...

The big black void

2006-07-30T07:48:00.000-07:00

Darn it... can't believe that seven months had passed since i wrote anything in my blog... I guess i should make a promise to myself to visit my blogsite more frequently since it's something that i really loveeeee doing... (readers or no readers)...

Well, nothing spectacular really happened during the past seven months, except for the fact that i was regularized at work(Yipee!) and that my little brother is going to be a dad soon (something which i freaked out about at first but accepted later on...) So why write again today out of all days, you might ask... I guess i just felt inspired to write again today because i feel a lot of emotions that i really can't put into words... I just feel empty... i feel that there's a big black hole in my heart that no one can fill... as if there's something in the great beyond that i'm missing... I feel that i'm meant for better things but i always settle for what's there and what's mediocre... and that's what make me mad... that i reached this stage in my life and i've only realized this now...i guess that 's the non-confrontational side of me surfacing but there are times when i just want to get the courage to get up and leave... It may hurt for awhile and i may be scared and lonely but i don't know how else to prove my worth and to make a statement other than this... so much has been said but if the other party remains dense, what does that leave me with? Is there all there is to life? Well, i guess not... but i also know that i wouldn't know since i feel as if i should stay... even if sometimes i am just settling instead of being ecstatically happy...

Moving On...

2006-01-18T11:20:00.000-08:00

Fear of the unknown is indeed the greatest fear of all...After staying for almost 3 years in my previous job, i have decided to move on... to better things and greener pastures i hope and to a place where i can really share my talent and have the thing that i've only been dreaming about for the past couple of years...Work life balance...

Isn't it said that the only constant thing in this world is change? But somehow when faced with the reality of this change, we all feel apprehensive and sick to the core thinking that we are leaving behind something that's normal and familiar even if the truth is when we examine ourselves, we are really not that content or happy with that familiar thing anymore... This was how i felt when i handed over my resignation letter... i was thinking of starting all over again in a new place wherein i haven't had 3 years worth of work... where i've had to prove myself from square one and i got butterflies in my stomach... I was full of doubts but i did it... I finally got the courage to take that leap of faith and i chose to challenge myself instead of staying in a comfortable place...

I've been with my new job for about 3 weeks now and i think i've made the right decision... i mean 3 weeks is nothing compared to 3 years but i know that in time, i'll be able to achieve everything that i did in my old job and maybe even more...What is important is that i've finally learned to put value in my self and the hard work that i do... I have started all over again...Learning the ropes and taking instructions from people younger than me but i'm not really bothered... i've moved on and it's a choice that i made... A choice that right now i am awfully glad i made...

That's Hot!

2006-01-13T23:31:00.000-08:00

I've always been a firm believer in the saying that If you're on a diet it doesn't mean you can't look at the buffet which literally translates to the fact that although i have been in an honest, loving, happy and committed relationship for almost 7 years, it doesn't make me blind or immune to the genetically gifted male creations that God has made...

I have just resigned from my previous job (more on this on my next blog) so i spend most of my days watching TV or DVD's... It's a proven fact and a prerequisite that all male (or female at that) celebrities/models worldwide should be goodlooking but why is it that only certain ones are really attractive to me? I've thought of doing a ranking sheet for all of my girl friends out there to see if they share the same type that i have and if they agree to some of the observations i made (this blog will take an entire page i swear!) ... so feast your eyes girls... These are the top 10 guys on my hotness scale and they are ranked accordingly...

1. BRAD PITT - Show me a girl who does not find Brad Pitt gorgeous and i'll tell you that she's either frigid or a lesbian... for me Mr. Pitt is the epitome of gorgeousness...

Pros: Exudes aura of coolness, hot bod, great actor, seems to smell good at all times whether he's scruffy or clean cut, multimillion dollar superstar and did i mention hot bod?

Cons: He's a player... i used to dream about this guy a lot ... that was until Angelina Jolie came into the picture and he broke Jennifer Aniston's heart... now i'm not that hung up on him at all...

2. PIOLO PASCUAL - The Philippines answer to Brad Pitt... i swear if i meet this guy in person it will really make my day... but i guess i'd either be tonguetied or starstruck upon meeting him coz i really love him that much...

Pros: Those soulful eyes (his stare could make any red blooded female melt), God fearing Christian, multi talented (he can sing and he can act!) , a guy that you could bring home to mom

Cons: Rumors that he's gay have been circulating since time immemorial but up to now i still can't bring myself to fully believe it...

3. JERRY YAN - If there's one thing that i am thankful to meteor garden for, it is the fact that this series has been able to introduce F4 to Philippine shores... otherwise, us Filipinas would still be oblivious to the fact that Taiwan can offer us so much more than pirated goods...

Pros: To die for smile, model's bod, those deep, deep dimples, the sideway glances that he so masterfully know how to throw...

Cons: Hello? Language barrier... he doesn't know how to speak a word of English... (but his stare more than makes up for it)...

4. JUDE LAW - I've been so gaga over this guy ever since i watched him in Closer... his presence really radiates all over the screen... given the chance he could be a matinee idol if only he's not cast all the time in offbeat roles (like a robot in AI for example)...

Pros: That boy next door look, his trademark smirk, deep penetrating eyes and that oh so sexy british accent...

Cons: Like Brad Pitt, he's a player... but what's even worse was that he did it with the nanny but on the plus side at least he has the decency to admit to his mistakes...

5. HYUN BIN - This Korean star is a new discovery for me... i don't know if i'm totally infatuated with him because i just loved his role and his series My Name is Kim Sam Soon but really, he's not goodlooking in the truest sense of the word and yet he still ranks a 5 on my top 10 list...

Pros: Mr. Ice himself, he seems arrogant and self assured but underneath it all you can see that he's really a softie... Those deep, deep dimples and that killer smile... good kisser (from what i've seen in the series anyways)...

Cons: Like Jerry Yan, there is the language barrier to consider but at least he knows how to speak a little english.

6. DANIEL HENNEY - i discovered him also in My Name is Kim Sam Soon (girls, watch this series if only for the 2 gorgeous male leads)... Born of a british dad and a korean mom, he inherited the best of both worlds so to speak...

Pros: Top model and fast rising actor (heck! he even made a commercial with Gwyneth Paltrow) very popular, gorgeous smile, hot, hot bod and a very loving son to his mom...

Cons: NONE...except for the fact that he's the hottest thing in Korea right now and you might have to compete with tons of girls and his work for his time and affection (will keep you updated if i hear some dirt on him).

7. CHRIS EVANS - If you have not seen the movie the fantastic four then i suggest that you run into your favorite dvd/video store if only for the chance to see Chris Evans fitting his hot bod into a latex suit.

Pros: Those gorgeous eyes, killer smile, all american good looks (just seeing him is enough to make you think of football on the 4th of July and what's more american than that) and yes, just like his character torch, just seeing him onscreen is enough to put you on fire...

Cons: None that i know of as of this time.

8. LEE DONG GUN - The guy who started my addiction to Koreanovelas... Lee Dong Gun is just one reason why i would want to save up for a trip to South korea... (I would be a moonie if he is and if they can set me up for a wedding with him...hehehe!)

Pros: That intense stare, very soulful eyes, that deep, sexy voice and cool fashion sense and boy can he really sing!

Cons: Currently attached to his costar in Sweet 18 Han Jie Hyin so he's taken girls...

9. WILL SMITH- The Fresh Prince of Bel-air from being a fashion victim he has risen up and elevated himself to Fashion Maven

Pros: He brought a new meaning to the word sex appeal... Smokin bod...has a great sense of humor and a great fashion style and an A list Hollywood actor...

Cons: happily married to Jada Pinkett Smith

10. RYAN PHILIPPE - It's been years since he did a movie that's a commercial success... i really miss seeing Ryan Philippe onscreen... he was the reason why i don't mind repeating cruel intentions over and over again...

Pros: He's too goodlooking for words and he's so beautiful that he almost looks like a girl... Those curly blond locks and that intense stare...

Cons: Happily attached to Reese Witherspoon and with 2 beautiful kids to boot...

Honorable Mention:

Ken Zhu of F4 (and why not? he's the only long haired guy that i like aside from Jerry yan)

Jericho Rosales (too sexy for words)

The Talented Mr. Sam Milby ( composer, singer and blessed with pretty boy good looks)

2005-12-07T20:49:00.000-08:00

lovers in paris

Lovers in Paris

2005-12-07T20:36:00.000-08:00

I've never been a big fan of any kind of soap opera.  Especially Chinovelas or koreanovelas or tainovelas or whatever you might call those tagalog dubbed weepers that are shown on primetime local television where asian actors or actresses are normally the prominent lead characters.  The first and last soap opera that i've ever watched in my entire life was Meteor Garden (but hey!does this count?  everybody that i know of ... as in everybody,  fell head over heels for dao ming sz who is the lead character of this show!).  I wouldn't be a hypocrite... i would admit... i absolutely loved, loved, loved everything about MG.  But after my first taste of watching a soap opera such as this, no one else has captured my heart and my interest like F4 did. I find the other soap operas too melodramatic for my taste... it's as if you can't look forward to anything in life but one disaster to another...That is, until Katie lent me her mom's dvd copy of Lovers in Paris.  
From the first time, i saw the characters on screen, i was obsessed!  I finished 19 discs which would amount to about 1 1/2 hours of viewing time per disc in 4 days!  Everything about the show appealed to me.  The goofiness of the female lead character, the love triangle going on between the main protagonists and the oh so important other guy (or else who would complete the triangle?), the romance of Paris, the you and me aginst the world theme that the show has... not to mention hunky, hunky Lee Dong Gun (i tell you he's just so yummy!)... it kept me glued to my bed for hours on end. Wanting to know how it would end and who Tae Young would pick in the end... call me sappy but i guess i'm just a romantic at heart.  Stories like this make me believe that yes, guys can still be chivalrous and love can really conquer all (even the meanest family members who are against your relationship).  In reality, my love story can never be as exciting as this. Real life and real relationships are just so... hmmm... normal! I've not heard of a single proposal that was made out loud in a bus stop, no chasing after a lady in the rain and definitely no candlelit dances in penthouse suites...this is how girls would love to be loved and courted...  Alvin watched a couple of discs with me (he has no choice! since i hogged the dvd player and the tv the whole weekend) and he was really laughing out loud since i was crying my heart out in some of the scenes that are truly heart breaking.  This show is a throwback to my childhood days when i believed that Cinderella did exist and that her prince charming did come to save the day (like some sort of superhero circa medieval times).  The ending of the show was really crappy... a big letdown even... but it didn't change my opinion that this is indeed one of the most entertaining and touching stories that i've watched (or even read for a long, long time).
The only drawback that i feel i got from the show is that i watched it a little too late... when the craze about this TV show was all the news, i didn't even have the slightest interest to watch it... now, when i'm all misty eyed and totally agog over one scene... i have no one to share it with... call me baduy but this show really entertained me big time... After all, i'm still waiting and hoping that someday soon, my own prince charming will be bitten by the romance bug and sweep me off my feet. I'll never look at Paris or listen to Moon River the same way again... :)

Five Things about me...

2005-11-22T22:55:00.000-08:00

There's a saying that goes that you can't keep a secret forever... A lot of you who are my friendsters may not know the real me especially my darkest, deepest secret. So when i chanced upon this survey, i took the liberty of answering it here in my blog to let you know what makes me tick... I just wanna share some parts of my teleserye like life (or comedy like, whichever way you want to put it) with all of you peeps out there. So here goes...

Five Things You May Not Know About My Time in School

1. I took my NCEE exams while i was still recuperating from Dengue. My classmates treated me like a pariah, but I'd rather take the test sick rather than not go to college at all.
2. I was a consistent honor student during my grade school days up until my 2nd year of high school. That was until the time that i learned what it was like to go to gimmicks with your friends and before i became fascinated with boys.
3. I read pocketbooks (sweet dreams and mills and boon) while classes are ongoing. I used to indian sit in between rows of seats so that the teachers won't see me. Of course, it helps that my classmates were not tattle tales.
4. In college, i used to hang out a lot in the ladies restroom during classes that i find boring. I would have my attendance checked and i would excuse myself to go to the restroom, never to return. Pia would usually see me sitting on the counter near the sinks with a fiction book in my hand.
5. I scaled the walls of my high school once just to get out of hearing a first friday mass. They usually lock the gates so that everyone would be forced to attend but not me!

Five Things You May Not Know About the Job/s I Have (or Had)

1. During my practicum in Chinabank, i threw away a managers check that i was doing because of a typographical error. I didn't know that the new accounts clerk was accountable for it because it's a numbered document. They sent out an alert to all branches because of the missing MC but i didn't admit to the deed because it was too late for that. I didn't go back there afterwards.
2. My first job after college was as a customer service representative for PILTEL. Suffice it to say, that that was not the job for me since Nats and Edwin would always visit me and i would always go out for a smoke even if there are lines of people waiting for me to complain about their cloned lines.
3.When I was working in Tequila Joe's the only thing that made me stay for 9 months was having good looking guys as my bosses (Rico Yan, anyone?) that and the fact that while my staff are downstairs, i could play marbles in the PC while at work.
4. I finally found my niche in the corporate world when i started doing HR work.
5. I always miss the people that i worked closely with whenever i leave a job and i still remember them fondly up to now. (yes, that's you alfie and karen!)

Five Things You May Not Know About My Online Life:

1. I think i am one of the few remaining people who is still enamored with friendster.
2. I used to be an IRC addict circa 1997-1999 . I even skip meals for these.
3.The internet led me to finding the love of my life.
4. I log on to www.pinoybigbrother.com upon coming to work.
5. I find chain emails a waste of time and there are times when i don't even bother to read them. (sorry folks!)

Five Embarrassing Fannish Admissions I Have That You May Not Know

1. In my group of friends, i guess i'm the only one who is a fan of author/s. I wrote an email to Jennifer Weiner for her fantastic work in Good In Bed and i got an automated response for all my efforts. How exciting! :P
2. When i was in grade school, i play dress up and emulate Madonna circa like a virgin days. I stage my own concert at home with my family as captive audience. (Ninang Vangy still has the embarassing pictures to prove it).
3. I have an autographed picture of Piolo Pascual (courtesy of Geric) and i blubbered like an idiot when Geric let me speak to him over the phone. I absolutely adorrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee him!
4. I am always starstruck when faced with celebrities that i really like.
5. I used to be a fan of the cheesiest singers ever... like Debbie Gibson, Menudo, New Kids on the Block and Tommy Page... heck! I even watched Jason Donovan in concert!..

Five Things You May Not Know About Where I Live

1. This is the first time i knew an address other than San Miguel in 27 years.
2. I am very obsessive - compulsive when it comes to the cleanliness of my house (traces of Monica in Friends... yesiree! I am that OC!)
3. I cook a lot whenever i'm home (that is if i'm not feeling lazy) and i am very good at cooking.
4. I still don't have a bed even if i've been living in my condo unit for 2 years now. I sleep on a queen sized mattress on the floor .
5. I locked myself outside my bedroom once (summary: I got out of bed to pee and when i was about to go back to bed the doorknob wouldn't turn). I had to walk the stretch of ayala avenue in my pajamas while it was raining just to look for a locksmith. ( It's a good thing that that was a weekend so i don't have to bear the stares of people in corporate attire wondering what the hell a girl in her PJ's is doing while walking around the Central Business District).

Five Things You May Not Know About My Home Life:

1.I consider my brother Darwin as my son, and i love him to death even if he's soooo hardheaded.
2. My grandparents raised us. My mom left for the US when i was 13 and i barely get to see my dad.
3. I've lived without cable TV for 27 years.
4. Meal times are a noisy affair for my family. I miss it.
5. My grandmother spoilt me rotten when i was younger.

Five Things You May Not Know that I Desperately Want:

1. To travel to the US with Alvin so i can show him all the sights and so that my mom would get to meet him personally already.
2. I wanna know the ending of Harry Potter's Book VII badly.
3. I've been dying to watch the 2nd season of Desperate Housewives and Lost
4. I wanna own my own house really, really soon
5. I want to take care of my mom and let her stop working already.

Five Things You May Not Know About What I Do in a Typical Day:

1. I read a lot. I read everyday. I can't go to bed without reading. If i run out of reading materials, i would even read the back of a cereal box.
2. I zone out in front of the TV as soon as i go home.
3. Going to sleep takes a lot of effort for me. (I can't sleep at will like some people do no matter how early i have to be up the next day. I can only go to sleep if i'm already really, really sleepy).
4. I check my email first thing in the morning upon going to work.
5. My day is not complete without talking to Alvin at least once.

Big Brother

2005-11-22T20:12:00.000-08:00

So really what does it take to stay in a house with 11 complete strangers for 3 months without any means of communication to the outside world? How much willpower do you need to have in order for you not to be evicted by people that you really don't give a damn for the first time you meet them? Lastly, how long does it really take until conflicts and attraction arise with the housemates because of being cooped up in close proximity ... or lets face it, because of lack of anything better to do?

Lately, i've been riveted by this primetime filipino tv show called Pinoy Big Brother... It's like watching Lord of the flies without pondering the deeper meaning of the film... This television show for me is a breakthrough because it allows us to become the peeping toms that we really want to be and to indulge our instincts to mind others business without the danger of being branded as a meddler or a rumor monger or worse being killed like the nosy Mrs. Huber in Desperate housewives... We can say whatever we want to say about the people involved in this show because they gave us the right to do so... Some people might say that this is a cheap way of passing time but not me... i really find fascination in the things that each and every one of the housemate says and does... Maybe, it's because for me, they represent the realities of life... that there are really people who are naturally maarte like say or a flirt like chix or an asshole like JB and Uma and ill bred like Racquel... And that in the end, the good looking guys always gets the girl (or stardom as in Sam's case) . They make the mundane and the ordinary exciting and extraordinary because of conflicts that arise whenever they face each other. They let us see that yes, it is icky to pick your nose in public and that the underdogs really do win in the end (provided that they keep their psycho tendencies under wraps preferably until the show ends).

Now after 3 long months, the winner will finally emerge from the house. A million peso richer with a nice car and house to boot and his privacy gone to shreds. He will guest in all the talk shows and get his 5 minutes of fame and yet i predict that in a year or so, his career will go the way troy montero's did (do i need to spell it in black and white? Downhill, people!) We will get over the fad of the 1st season and finally... Pinoy ako would not be played every 5 minutes on FM stations. Can't say i would miss it all that much... after all there's always the 2nd season to look forward to! :D

Office Space

2005-08-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

Saying goodbye had never been one of my strongest suits... I tend to almost always bawl my eyes out before saying the words "till next time" and expressing my sorrow over a foreseen parting of ways... be it a farewell for a friend, a family member or a loved one, it takes me a really long time to get over goodbyes... If there's one thing that i hate most in the world... I'd say that this would rank as number one in my book... which i think would explain the feeling of sadness that i'm going through right now...

I used to look at my officemates as just that... people that i work with but that was before i moved to my present company... Never before have i been with a bunch of people that i could act maturely with and yet have as much fun with whenever the need calls for it..Lately, i've been spending more time with them than i do with my barkada... We have formed a certain bond of closeness that other people see as being clique-ish... Which is not really so... i guess, it's just that other workmates can't believe that, despite the fact that we are a bunch of people with varied beliefs,we still jive very well... almost effortlessly... We give each other room to grow and when tasks are given to us, we always think that eight heads are better than one... we are genuinely happy for each other's successes and we are the only department that's totally devoid of politics...despite the days when things are not so rosy at work, we always find time to get together and laugh about it... we've had our share of countless 'tampuhans', and yet we don't hold a grudge against each other... we have learned to take each others idiosyncrasies with a grain of salt...i've long been saying this, but if there are ever soulmates at work, i guess i've found mine and this is it...

I've known for a very long time that there would come a time when we would not be together anymore... but now that that seems more probable than ever... i can't help but feel sad about the things that each of us would be leaving behind... the lunches at teriyaki boy, our shared passion for shopping, the sharing of stories about each others boyfriends/girlfriends, going home together... the mini breaks that we have in each others cubicles... I've never noticed it... but slowly our relationship evolved from just being workmates to that of being real friends...I will miss each and every one of them dearly... Vinz, for his kenkoy ways (despite the fact that i always get mad at him, i'll never, ever forget the day that he helped me when darwin had an accident)... Joy for her shock value (and the deep talks that we have in the rare times that we are serious)... Pam, Miko and Iriz for blending in seamlessly with the rest of the group... Katie and Junn...for always being there, ready to listen and comment no matter how mababaw or serious my stories might be and not to mention for their great fashion sense... I will be missing all of these and more...

But in my heart i know that sometimes, goodbyes are necessary in order for us to grow... i guess this is just one of those times... although we may not be together as officemates anymore... we would be leaving each other with something far more rare and valuable... the gift of self and friendship... Good luck guys!

Birthday Boy...

2005-08-12T01:31:00.000-07:00

Out of all the people that i have met and would get to meet, why him? ...There are plenty of fishes in the sea and yet i decided to swim with him... Loving him was not a choice that was impulsively made and It was not even a conscious effort on my part... i just did and i still do... even more today than yesterday if that was possible... Sure call it whatever you like ... cheesy or corny, syrupy or melodramatic ... im sure i'd get a lot of flak for this from my "manly" man friends but i have never been one to hide my feelings... I want to express how i feel because i'm proud of it and birthdays only come once a year so i'd better make the most of it...So really, why do i love this guy?

I love him not only because of who he is and what he is but also inspite of that... He can be grumpy or moody or simply geeky but these are traits that comes with the whole package... i can either take it or leave it and i decided to take it... i may complain a million times about the petty fights and little differences but the making up more than makes up for it...I love him for his strong determination, for his hardheadedness, for his boundless knowledge, for his quick wit and funny antics...i love him for his entirety...In return, i know that he loves me the same way... Only a few people can stand my nagging, my being a brat and my bitchiness, but he took it all in stride...Sure, i know that there are times when he still wants to hang me upside down but he lets me be me... He accepted me flaws and all and i found the peace and serenity that i've been seeking in return... His humor is incomparable to none... Laughing with him is my favorite past time in the whole, wide world... Who else in their right mind would play actor, scriptwriter and director to a 2 minute impromptu MTV of a the cure song inside the car? Who else would spend hours thinking what he would do if he were a zombie and then really act it out in front of me? Above all, who else can coin a phrase like "she has the right to bare arms coz she has the arms of a bear?" except for him... At the end of the day, when all is said and done, he's really been everything to me... my best friend, my sanctuary, my family... He is everything i've ever wanted and then some more...

So really, why do i love him? i also don't know...i just do... and i guess i always will...

Things that make me go hmmm...

2005-07-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

It's weird that i would think of writing about things that i really like when all i really want to do right now is to curl up and die... (It's that time of the month and i know that all of my girlfriends could relate to the feeling of ickiness and crankiness that normally accompany these spells)... Maybe i just need to feel a little more chipper today and what better way to reach this state of nirvana than to think about all of the things that i absolutely love, love, love above all else in the world... See, just thinking about it puts a silly smile on my face but before i go off into the horizon with a skip and a hop, let me go on with my list:

1. SHOPPING/SALON/SPA TRIPS - show me any girl who tells me that this is not on top of their list of favorite things and i would tell you that she's weird... There has not been a problem in my life which has not been alleviated by new clothes or shoes or a funky haircut or a blissful bodyscrub and massage... Sure, it may be superficial to some but luxuriating in a couple of hours of sheer relaxation and kakikayan is enough to make me feel that things are not as bad as they seem... After all, if i could derive such simple pleasures from these menial things, i'm sure that life has more in store for me...
2. A good TV show/ A good book - A good TV show or a good book for me is like a rare treasure... i could escape from the hustle and bustle of my everyday life and escape into a world that otherwise i could never imagine that i would get to know anything about...Whether it be the goosebumps that i get from watching CSI or LOST or laughing out loud with Rachel and Ross on friends or being a part of harry potter's latest escapade... being a couch potato is one of but many things that i also derive pleasure from.
3. Hanging out with friends or with my loved ones - Come to think of it, no matter how cranky or pissed off i might be the whole day... if i somehow get to spend a few hours of that "badtrip" day with my loved ones, i feel somehow more relaxed and mellow... They have a calming effect on me that no lavender oil can contest... except of course if somehow they are the source of my crankiness (which is rare and far between).
4. Etc...etc... - other things that i absolutely love, i would just list down on this last number in no particular order or rank:
4. a. Brad Pitt , Jerry Yan, Jude Law, Piolo Pascual and Chris Evans (ranking interchangeable...hehehe!)
b. Haagen Dazs choco mint ice cream...
c. Teriyaki boy's salmon sashimi, Gerry's grilled squid and House of minis T-bone steak, coffee bean and tea leaf's black forest, gloria jeans iced mango latte and starbucks green tea frap (after all there's no simpler pleasure in the world than eating and drinking...)

My list could just go on and on...there are a lot of things that i derive pleasure from and looking at it now, i can say that there's a lot more in life that i should be thankful for rather than things that i should be complaining about.

The price of Fidelity

2005-05-26T01:21:00.000-07:00

How much does fidelity cost? last i heard, it was for free... so why then is it hard for so many people to give it away? Has fidelity become a rare and priced commodity that only a few people can afford to have it in their relationships? Is being betrayed the price that we have to pay for being trusting and for loving someone wholeheartedly?

There is no worse feeling in the world than having to learn that another person is taking your place... to feel and know that there's someone else who occupies the mind and heart of the love of your life... It's worse than being killed ten times or being buried in a grave alive...to know that there is someone else who laughs at the same jokes that you laugh at or that there's someone else who feels that your Mr. or Ms. Right is also the same person whom they dream of seeing at the altar when they walk down the aisle... Is it the society that we live in that has become so forgiving of affairs that are normally left unmentioned? Are we really advancing, hence our liberal outlook in life or are we regressing and going back to that so called "civilized" era wherein men who cheat are always understood because they're men?

What really drives a man to cheat? Is it the monotony of a relationship that they have been in for a long time? The need for variety? Or the fact that they could brag to their friends that women are falling all over him and that they couldn't get enough of him? Some say they do/did it because they "fell out of love". But is there really such a thing? Does true love really die? ... If you are indeed "falling out of love" does this give you license to cheat? How can one prevent such things from happening?

Ahhh... so many questions ... but after all of these, i've come to realize that at the end of it all, it all goes back to honesty... HONESTY... the big H word... the complete antithesis to infidelity... If one could only be honest about their feelings , there would be no need to cheat... Sure, you may hurt someone in the process but it's better than hurting someon ten times more by betraying the person that you were once crazy about over an unknown or unforeseen rival...Relationships are complicated enough but it doesn't have to be painful... there is no easy way out but if i were in a cheaters shoes (which i am not..) i'd rather tell the truth and be branded an A-Hole rather than go behind someones back and be labelled a liar... At least, there is still a chance that i would be remembered not with bitterness but with fondness...I would rather face the tears head on rather than be a coward and wait for the problem to go away... because believe me it won't... the more a person cheats... the bigger his sin would be... If you had the maturity to enter a relationship and to commit to someone wholeheartedly, you also need to be matured to own up to your feelings and say "i'm sorry, i made a big mistake". It's not being mean nor spiteful but it is the one last thing that you can give a person that you shared a part of your life with... RESPECT...

2005-05-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

happiness!

The Story of Us

2005-04-12T03:18:00.000-07:00

Last April 2nd, Alvin and I celebrated our 6th year together as a couple. Six freakin years! Who would have thought that we'd have lasted this long? (definitely not me! and i think not even him!)... But still, it is a fact and a truth that i am truly grateful for.

Never had i imagined, that in an unexpected time and an unexpected place i'll get to meet the guy whom i'd be spending a huge part of my life with... Sure, he may not be everything that i've ever dreamed of but he definitely comes close... He may be moody and grumpy but when he is sweet, he's really, really sweet...he may be ungentlemanly at times but he makes me feel cared for... he can be quiet... but often, he makes me laugh until my stomach aches...In his eyes and his smile lies the love that we have cherished and nurtured for this long... The way i lie in his arms speak of trust and comfort and warmth and ecstasy... We really don't need to speak to express how much we mean to each other... the everyday stuff that we do becomes special just as long as we're together...

In the 6 years that we've been together, it has not all been a bed of roses, though... we've had our share of ups and downs, of failures and triumphs of happiness and heartbreaks... But this only helps us to love each other better...Every little thing that we go through no matter how meaningless or trivial it may seem, contributes more to the strength and the foundation which we build our relationship on... We've had petty fights, huge fights, cold spells and shouting matches but still we hold on to what we have because our love for each other outweighs and outlasts the anger that we feel whenever something wrong comes up...

We may not be a perfect couple but one thing that i know is that we are real... With him, i don't have to pretend to be anyone i'm not... he accepts me and loves me not despite of my shortcomings but in spite of it... I can consider our relationship as one of the greatest accomplishments of my life because no matter how many times i get mad at him, i know that at the end of the day, he would still be beside me... We'd still end up together, cuddling in our warm bed... a mess of arms and legs not knowing where the other ends and the other begins... like two pieces of a puzzle that fits perfectly together... I know that this may sound totally cliche' but he really completes me... He completes the broken part of me and makes me whole again... he completes my day by bringing sunshine into my rainy days...by making me feel as if i'm beauty and brains wrapped into one... he completes me in a way wherein i know that i'd never want anything or to be with anyone or anyplace better than this...

The Agony and the EX-tasy

2005-03-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

Of all the hurtful things that this world has to offer... none is more painful than getting over an ex... the thought of losing someone whom you'd love for sometime is enough to make you feel a pain that is embedded so deep into your heart that it is almost physical... you're short of breath... you can't sleep... can't eat... the anger and the pain consumes you day in and day out... You cry and cry until there's nothing left but a big, empty void in the place where your heart used to be...But of course, like all forms of torture that you would encounter in this thing we called life, everything has an end... and no matter how much of a cliche it may sound... there is indeed always an open window when a door closes or there's always the perennial rainbow after the rain...

Funny how when you lose someone that you share some part of your life with, you almost, always feel that it is the end of your world... you start to feed the insecurities that you have kept hidden while you were a part of a couple... You memorize the first cheesy lines of any Barry Manilow or Air Supply song even if it could make you bawl and reach for the tissue box right beside your bedstand... You seek the help of our good friends Ben and Jerry... You wallow in self pity... You live in misery...but after the grieving period, when can you honestly say that it is indeed, really over?

Sure, it is understandable that there is sadness right after a break up... after all, if you feel such sadness, that means that that person also brought you much happiness... But sisters, it is not the be-all and end-all of everything... Out there is a person who is really meant for you (maybe you just haven't met him yet)... As they say, life is what you make it... so keep busy, get a hobby, go out and meet new friends... get over the grieving and start living again... In time you'd come to realize that you are a stronger, better and smarter person even without him (more so without him)... you deserve more... You just have to get over the crying and the wallowing and the misery and think that maybe... just maybe... he is not really the man for you...

A lot of people went through a break up and they survived...It doesn't take too much to consider an ex as just that.. an ex... someone whom you've shared fond memories with...someone whom you'd fallen so deeply in love with once upon a time that you felt as if your heart would leap out of your chest...But you have to let go... you have to move on... Life doesn't stop and start with HIM... there's a lot more to see... a lot more to be done... Treasure the memories but treat them as such... Special memories of someone that you once shared a beautiful relationship with... Bear in mind that he doesn't validate your existence...There'll be better things in store for you once you just let it happen... After all... the song I would survive would not have hit the airwaves if not for a girl who indeed, survived a painful breakup... You'll get past this you'll see... because only when you realize that it is indeed over can you only let the magic process of healing begin...

Anger Management

2005-03-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

I really don't like myself when i'm angry... on second thought, scrap that... like is too weak a word...i hate myself when i'm angry... i become a nasty, ogre-ish version of myself... i say words that are hurtful and degrading even if i don't mean it... I scream like a banshee (or a shrew...whichever is louder)...I tend to have a possessed look on my face and i really wouldn't stop until the person that i'm angry with is bleeding either because of the sharp words that are coming out of my mouth or because of the physical wounds that i inflicted... To describe it in more graphic terms, i become the devil incarnate whenever i am mad ...

I hate being angry... really, i do... i feel as if it's a waste of time and energy and i seldom do get angry... but when i do...i feel as if some evil spirit is taking over my body... I spit curses like there's no tomorrow... I throw things... I become Cruella DuVille's twin sister...I know in the back of my mind that i should stop... but at this point, there's no talking sense into me... I need to let it all out... the frustration, the sadness, the hurt... But after awhile when the anger subsides and there's nothing left but the empty void of regret... that is then when i begin to wish that i should have withheld some of the things i said or that i didn't do some of the things i did...Which is again, what i am wishing for right now...

I am normally a very happy go lucky type of person... i am almost, always calm and composed except for cases wherein i feel as if my rights are being trampled on or if i'm being treated like a lesser person...i haven't had a lot of enemies and on those rare times that i am really on the warpath...there could be no other cause but the love of my life... the person who i love above, beyond and more than anything else in this whole wide world is also my worst enemy...

I wonder how could one person whom you could give yourself wholeheartedly to...mind, body and soul could also have the power to hurt you like nobody else can... Is it because you know each other too well, that the things you know about each other could be wielded around like some kind of weapon? Is it because getting to close for comfort also means being each others shock absorbers? Are we setting too high of an expectation when it comes to our beloved?

There are times when i wish that we don't fight this much...days wherein i feel as if it's better to hold my piece rather than make a mountain out of a molehill...but that's just not me... i need to be heard... i need my side to be seen... I know that like any other fights that we've had in the past, this will also come to pass... i'm just writing down my frustrations because i don't want the wounds to eat at me until it leaves a scar... But when do you say that enough is enough? When can you truly say that it is alright... i am fine with what we have... Can true love really be this forgiving?

I know that i might sing a different tune once things are better...once we have worked this issue out and laugh about this silly thing that we're fighting about... After this, we'd continue pretending that everything's normal and there's nothing to talk about... The words that have been said would remain unmentioned... the battlescars would heal and life would go on as normal...it will remain bottled up and covered up... stacked in the library of broken promises and unresolved conflicts that we both hold in the pit of our hearts... we'd go on and on and on living safe and comfortable lives... until such time that we need to put our boxing gloves on again in order for us to fight another round...

2005-03-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

Behold...My TVLand Friends...

Sex and the City... and me...

2005-03-20T16:47:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Donna and I am a sex and the city addict... Yesiree! I admit it... i'm fixated, amused, obsessed, sometimes bewildered but oftentimes entertained by this show that has been off the air for quite some time but continues to have an impact in the lives of women everywhere...This show is a proof that we, as the female gender, have really come a long way... from the Maria Clara of yesteryears to the succesful, independent thinkers and doers of the modern world... But despite the advancement in technology and the much more liberal viewpoint that we have today... we are still baffled and stumped whenever it comes to the subject of men... Hence, comes Sex and the city to the rescue...Sex and the City is an outlet... a therapy...to me it's like the guidebook to questions that i don't have the answers to... No subject is taboo... no problem is too shallow or too small...It is one show which discusses sex in detail and how it affects our relationship with men... It is a manifestation of the realities of the lives that we're living...

I have never known a woman who has not liked this show... we could all relate to Charlotte's idealism (that she will find the man of her dreams and live happily ever after)... to Carrie's addiction to shoes and penchant for the wrong kind of men... to Miranda's independent and career driven character ...And no matter how much we try to hide it, we have to admit that we all have a wild inner Samantha in all of us... We have the same gripes, we commit the same mistakes, it mirrors our imperfection in the choices that we make and it builds our confidence in order for us to move out of a dead end relationship... Sex and the city saves us a lot of money in shrink fees...It discusses all the things that we are too embarassed to discuss... it brings our problem out into the bedroom and into the open... After all, who among us has not experienced being used by someone we loved (like Carrie by Mr. Big)? Who among us has not had a relationship wherein there are some things that we just don't agree upon (like Charlotte and Trey in the issue of having a baby)? Who among us had not hoped that even if we lived a promiscuous life in the past, someone who's real and true would love us with all their hearts(like Smith and Samantha)? and who among us has not come to realized that we are truly, madly and deeply in love with a person until he's gone from our lives (Like Miranda and Steve)? This show tries to delve into the inner psyche of the female mind... How relationships affect us and it also bolsters our hope that in the end, we will always find the perfect man... the one true soul mate to complete our lives...

So yes, dear friends, I am an addict... I'm proud to be one because no matter how some people might think... i value the lessons that this show imparts to us... the joys, the dramas, the highs and the lows... the story of unconditional friendship and the sense of comfort it brings to me... that indeed, i am not alone when it comes to my man problems, because sex and the city would always be there to provide me with a semblance of an answer...

The Perils of Independence

2005-03-16T17:06:00.000-08:00

I've noticed that as we grow older, the list of our responsibilities gets longer... there are tasks to be accomplished, people to take care of, actions to be accounted for... It's not a matter of "doing your own thing" anymore...but rather proceeding with caution with every little thing you do and every single word you say because with every word you utter and every deed you do...someone else's life may undergo a drastic change...

Never in my wildest dreams did i imagine that i would feel such a strong sense of responsibility over anything at all... But somehow, fate has a different plan for me... It has finally decided to make me realize that it's now time to stop playing childish games and to finally start acting grown-up... When i moved out of my grandmothers house about a year ago... I felt a sense of excitement over finally getting to do the things i always wanted to do... Finally, i can come home no matter how late i want to... I can eat whatever i want...Alvin can finally spend weekends with me and we don't have to tiptoe around the house playing cops and robbers with the maids when 5 AM rolls around... There is a feeling of pride and exhilaration whenever i choose furnishings and decors for my own place... But somehow in all the thrill and excitement, i forgot the things that i would have to sacrifice in exchange for freedom... I would now have to play mother to my brother Darwin (which is a very daunting task!) ... spend for my groceries when the allowance is late or short... I would have to take care of the roof's leaks or the busted fuse or the pipes that need to be tightened... I have never thought that living alone is such hard work... I've only come to realize lately, that there is a time when you'd get tired of eating big macs for lunch... that there are days when it is perfectly ok to stay home instead of going out... that even if i used to complain about Mama's mechado (because it's oily), i now miss having it for Sunday dinner... I miss the boisterous laughter of my cousins when my uncle or auntie cracks a joke and i even miss the creaky floor of my old bedroom... But no matter how much i miss it once i sit on my living room couch or when Darwin snuggles up to me in bed or when i wake up next to Alvin in the morning, i somehow feel accomplished that i am living the life i want to live...

Sure, there are days when i wished that i still lived in the house that i called home eversince i was a child... but that is the risk of being independent... No matter how much you long for what is familiar or comfortable or safe or for someone else to solve your crises and your problems, there is no one else that you can depend on but yourself... During this past year, I have done things that i never imagined i would be able to do... I am taking baby steps in building a solid and stable future with Alvin... i have endured the heartaches and headaches of taking care of Darwin... I got over my laziness and started working really hard both in the office and inside the house... But along with all of these sacrifices and hard work comes the rewards as well... I've matured ten fold... I am investing in my future... I am reaping the rewards of living a life that is MINE... Being independent is really not all it's cut out to be, but take it from me... it's really not too bad after all...

2005-03-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

even the wives of stepford are not so perfect after all...

The Quest for Perfection

2005-03-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

Since when did we become a world obsessed with appearances? Since when did we start measuring our worth based on the clothes we wear or the amount of money we have in our bank accounts? Since when did we equate our beauty based on how much fat we have on our hips or based on how much we'd make of a good arm trophy or eye candy? Since when did Britney Spears or Tyra Banks became our heroes instead of Indira Gandhi or Mother Teresa? Are we a bunch of people who is slowly getting enslaved with appearances? When will our quest for physical and material perfection ever end?

I'm sure a lot of my friends would say that i am not one of the people that they'd recommend when it comes to writing about this topic... After all, i'm always the smartass who always has some nasty sidecomments when a person's clothes don't match her shoes or when i see someone with a visible physical flaw. But who am i really, to judge these people based on their appearances? Or more inanely, based on the brand of clothes they wear? I admit it, i'm a nitpicker, a total beeyatch...Please don't come close to me if you're ultra sensitive or else you'll just end up crying...In tagalog terms, i am super "laitera"... So, someone shoot me...

I'll be candid and honest in admitting that what i do is mean and somewhat hurtful... But maybe it's a way of securing myself that someone, somewhere in this far off universe is in a worst state than i am... It's definitely not nice and it is most definitely not something that a good catholic girl would do, but hell...it is human... I am being human...

I am not perfect...no matter how hard i tried to be... after all, what's the use of being perfect if it means that there would be no more room left for improvement... I've had my share of insecurities when i was younger... But i've learned to live and accept and love myself for who i am and what i have grown up to become... Flaws and all... I went through the difficult time of trying to pretend to be someone i'm not... to measure my worth based on the number of pimples on my face and how much i measure on the weighing scale but as i grew older i realized that life shouldn't be quantified... it is meant to be felt and experienced... I have learned to turn a deaf ear if there are nasty comments being sent my way and instead i strived to develop myself and i've learned to not wish for things that i really couldn't have but to work and improve on what i already have... I may still not be the prettiest girl this side of town but i am proud to say that my confidence can outshine a model's beauty anytime...I am better, stronger, happier... but still, i am not perfect (if i am, i wouldn't be this bitchy anymore!) ... I have finally learned to love ME! (can you say the same for Mary Kate Olsen? Who may be rich and beautiful and perfect but is battling anorexia?)...

I would be a hypocrite if i say that there are no days when i don't wish for Carmen Electra's vital statistics or Jennifer Aniston's fresh faced beauty... When i don't daydream about being Brad Pitt's girlfriend even for just one teeny weeny minute... But this all constitutes a part of my fantasy and i've learned to separate it from reality... Because the reality is, i may not be what i wished to be, but i know i am everything i want to become and then some more... When i look at the mirror, i don't see my imperfections anymore, rather i see how far i've come from being the person who's obsessed with my appearance and whose vanity overshadowed everything else in her life to the successful, stronger, friendlier and far, far happier person that i am now... My quest for perfection may not be over but believe me, i am almost there... :)

2005-03-15T03:34:00.000-08:00

sometimes the words we say can't be understood by friends...

Dear Donna...

2005-01-06T02:38:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since i posted anything here in my blog. Not because there is nothing happening with my life but rather there has been too much going on. I've been kept busy with work since Xmas and i absolutely feel as if i need a break, although come to think of it, if i go on break too long, i'm sure that i would miss being busy... hmmm... the dilemmas that we have to face... we are always bombarded with choices no matter what we do... I can't help but feel that you really can't be content with what you have and that we always long for more or less, or much or few...there is never a neutral place wherein we're contented and easy with what we do have and when we don't wish for things that are really not meant for us in the first place...when will we ever learn to just sit back and say, i am grateful for everything that i am and for all the things i have... Today, i'd live my life the way it's meant to be lived and i would sit down and smell the roses rather than whine and complain about everything and nothing at all...

But again the dilemma... Sometimes, when you're on the other side of the fence, it's easy to talk about things that you're supposed to do in order to be righteous. To go with what's easy, to choose what is proper, but sometimes we find ourselves in situations wherein it is better to talk the talk rather than walk the walk. I sometimes am very carefree when it comes to dishing out advice that i, myself can't even follow... but sometimes you just need to hear the words out loud coming from a different person before you'd be compelled to write the novel that you've always longed to write or break it up with someone who's a total A-hole or to realize that sometimes it is nice to be just you...

Lately, i've been feeling as if i'm running a dear donna column...I have a lot of people coming to me for advice with regards to work, to their lovelives, regarding money matters etc... there are times wherein i feel as if the burden of the world rests on my shoulders but am i really the right person to ask? Me, who also gets tired of work sometimes, with the happy but so far from perfect lovelife and without a penny to my name (but i have a lot of blouses to make up for it)... *wink*, *wink*. I sometimes think that i am a complete faker to make these people believe that i do indeed have all the answers to all of their questions... that i am the absolute guru when it comes to solving life's problems...WELL, i will make a confession... hold your breath, dear friends... I AM NOT... i have the same fears, i cry the same tears and i am also obstinate and hardheaded when it comes to heeding my friends advice... So ask me again... do i have the answer to all of your problems? I do not... So why do people go to me for advice? Do i emit a heavenly glow that makes them think that i am saintly? (hell, no!) ... Am i living a happy and contented life? (far from the truth! there's a lot more that i'd like to do and accomplish!) Am i just a complete and absolute know-it-all (this is the most believable answer)... but it's still not the answer i'm seeking... After much thought and putting all my emotions into this piece, i finally have the answer! Indeed, i don't have all the answers to life's question but i sure as hell make the most out of the life i'm living... :)

It's the most wonderful time of the year....

2004-12-16T01:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since i posted here in my journal...i'm swamped with work, i barely even had time to sleep... but I MISSED THIS! Even if there are a lot of things to do and thoughts to think about, there's still reason to smile and be excited because christmas is just around the corner... Though, i can't file my leaves because of the numerous requirements that we have (which i hate, by the way), it wouldn't dampen my christmas spirit because tell me, who doesn't like christmas?...

I've never been a scrooge... uh-uh, not me...eversince i was young, christmas has always been and still is a big deal for my family...the trimmings on the tree, the bibingka, puto bumbong, hot chocolate on xmas mornings, the gift giving, the hanging of stockings... name it... we've done it! we're a sucker for tradition and thats what makes xmas extra special for us... I love everything that xmas represents... though its highly commercialized, for me that is what's worth looking forward to... The shopping... gosh... the shopping... It's the only time in 365 days that i don't have any guilt feelings about spending too much or shopping till i drop dead... I love the thought of giving gifts to people who are special to me and knowing that i am giving them something that would remind them of me...As i'm typing this, i have already spent tons on christmas gifts and i'm not even halfway through my list... but heck? who caressssssss??? definitely not me! :)

I would always, always love Christmas... it's my most favorite time of the year and nothing would ever change that... not the death of the action king, nor the plunging of the peso or the national catastrophe... after all, that's what the true spirit of christmas is all about... Never losing hope even in the face of adversity.

Quotable Quotes

2004-11-30T23:19:00.000-08:00

I was on my way to work today and i heard the topic that was being talked about at a certain radio station...Listeners were asked to text in their favorite movie quotes and it was truly entertaining... This gave me the idea that i would write about my own favorite movie quotes today and give my two cents worth about it...

I'm a certified movie addict and a real sucker for romance.. Most of the movie lines that has struck me also came from my favorite films as well... So here goes...

1. "Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived". --- Anthony Hopkins as William Parrish from the movie MEET JOE BLACK.

I think this sums up love in one paragraph... For me, love is really not love at all, unless you give your all... Sure, some people might say that you always ought to leave a little something for yourself... but love is not about practicality, it's about emotion and sacrificing and taking risks...a life devoid of love is an empty life...I would rather go through life knowing that i have loved and lost rather than not to have loved at all...yes... it might be painful... but at least you knew that you tried your best rather than go through living being plagued with what ifs and what could have beens...

2. "I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible". --- Billy Crystal as Harry Burns from the movie WHEN HARRY MET SALLY.

Love is about acceptance...This is the reality that you have to deal with once you fall in love... You accept somebody warts and all... Not despite their quirky habits but inspite of it...it's all part and parcel of the package... Love is not loving someone because of loneliness or for the sake of love... it's about loving one person day in and day out despite the fact that they have some weird rituals that you just can't stand or live with... It's wanting to spend the rest of your life with that certain someone knowing that there would be times that he'd drive you crazy and yet he makes it seem all worth it...

3. "There are some hurts that you never completely get over. And you think, I don't know, that time will diminish their presence and to a degree it does - but, ah... it still hurts. Because, well... hurt hurts". --- Michelle Pfeiffer as Katie Jordan from the movie THE STORY OF US.

This is as true as it could get... No sugar coating... No BS... Hurt hurts... and there's no other way to put it...Some people can say that you'd forget about it... Give it time and you'll get over it... Yes, in time you do and you will... but honestly, there's still a certain twinge of pain that you feel when you remember something hurtful... No amount of forgetting can make you get over it... yes, you do get over it to a certain degree but still the memory stays with you... and believe me it's not bad at all ... for how can you feel joy without first feeling pain?...so wallow, take time out to grieve... for the next time that something painful happens you'd be better and stronger and ready to take on the fight once again...

2004-11-30T02:51:00.000-08:00

kim and dino in happier times...

Showbiz grapevine....

2004-11-29T20:43:00.000-08:00

I just came from a three day weekend and i positively OD'ed on Showbiz oriented talk shows (well, what can i say? It's a vice that i don't approve of but i have it nonetheless)...Who could resist showbiz gossip? It's dirty, scandalous, almost everybody could relate to it, you can talk about it all you want, it's sometimes hilarious and the best thing there is... you're not the one in it...

These past coupla weeks, The buzz, sfiles and startalk (the Philippines poor man's version of eonline and entertainment tonight) are all agog with news about the break up of Kim Delos Santos and Dino Guevarra... Who are they you might ask?... well, just to give you some information... they used to be a well known loveteam during the latter part of the 90's... they're really not popular in the truest sense of the word, but they have a following...They gave up a somewhat lucrative showbiz career in order to get married to each other, despite the fact that they're both only in their teens... They professed undying love in front of thousands of people and promised to love and cherish each other for all eternity... Now after 6 years of being married, Kim is a 200 pounder who already lost her youthful beauty and Dino is a starlet who's trying to revive a fledgling career... they are again, in the limelight because of their break up which Kim claims is due to Dino's incessant womanizing...

It really takes a lot of guts to go out and air your dirty linen in public, (it's something i couldn't do... believe me!) that's why i believe Kim... She has all the evidences and she seems absolutely torn and battered, not just physically but also emotionally... She seems lost and adrift knowing that the guy she dedicated her whole life to has given her the ultimate betrayal...

Sometimes incidents like these makes me aware of the realities of life...Call me pathetic and cheap but I watch showbiz gossip to be entertained and to lose myself in mindless banter...yet there are incidents when it gives me a lesson in the most unexpected times as well...Take this instance for example... I learned that it takes so long to build a relationship, yet it also takes so little to destroy it... You can give and give all you want but you have no assurance that it will be returned...

As a woman and as a viewer, i sympathize with Kim and i can feel her pain... She has nothing to gain by going out in public and everything to lose yet she stood up for herself and did what she deemed is right... I know that after awhile, people might forget about this ... They'd move on and they would have bigger stars to talk about and more shocking scandals to pick on... but the pain would go on for the people involved in this melodrama... At the back of my head i know that celebrities are also real people with real lives who feel real pain...Sometimes showbiz gossip can make me laugh out loud...it can make me feel that it's just a chance to pass away a lazy weekend afternoon...but there are rare times such as this... times when showbiz gossip can make me stop and say... Poor thing... i'm glad it didn't happen to me...

2004-11-26T02:50:00.000-08:00

do i really want one of these???

Baby Blues...

2004-11-26T02:12:00.000-08:00

I have long been wanting to write my thoughts about this... I have actually began writing it but changed my mind at the last minute... It's too touchy a subject for some people you might say, but it's something i know i want to bring out in the open...

I am at that age when you can say that the biological clock is ticking, everywhere i go it's either people are having babies or they're in the process of making one... I have nothing against shiny, happy moms pushing their babies on their strollers in the grocery, the mall, or even restaurants...In fact, i do find kids cute and i love playing with them as long as they're not my own...but please... can people stop asking me when i'm going to have one? Having kids is a choice... and I'm proud to say that as of now, it's a choice that i'm not yet ready to make...

Recently, my bestfriend Tina gave birth to a bouncing baby girl... She's the cutest thing ever and I'm truly in love with her... but this event has spawned oh so many questions from my closest friends or from people i barely know...The ever annoying, "so who's next?"... Naturally, i am the next best choice because among our group, i'm the only one who's not married or doesn't have a kid yet... but i get so exasperated repeating myself over and over again that i am not yet ready to have a god damned freakin baby...Somehow, i always think to myself do people think that this is a contest? You have a kid... great! you're a winner... you don't have one? GEEZ! what a loser... or worse yet... oh... that must be so lonely...

As i've said earlier, i have nothing against babies... or people who have babies... in fact, i am truly happy when someone i know gets pregnant or has a baby...because i can truly feel and see that those people want this thing to happen to them and they are longing for it and even praying for it... But not me... I don't want to be hampered with the responsibility of having a kid... I love the thought of eating McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner every chance i get... I stay late in the office knowing that all i have to do when i go home is take a shower and sleep... My weekends are dedicated solely to things that bring pleasure to ME... I know that people might think it's selfish...but let me ask you this... isn't it more selfish to bring another life into the world knowing that you wouldn't like to have the responsibility of caring for it? ...Sure, ask me to care for your child for a day or two... i'd love it... i can be godmother a hundred times over and i wouldn't resent it... but the thought of knowing that i have the pleasure of playing with this kid without changing it's diaper or feeding it in the middle of the night, gives me a sense of... well... relief...I love children... just as long as they're not mine...People often tell me... oh you would change your mind once IT really is your kid... but what if i don't? Can i go to some store with a return policy for children? Once, you have that kid... that's that... you have to live with it ready or not...

I know that there would be a time when i might change my mind and feel that i have missed out on not having kids... but that's a choice that i made and i just have to deal with it... it's a choice that i want to make for myself not just for procreation... it's a choice that i will make when i'm willing and able and it's a choice that i will make because i want to and not just because someone told me so...

2004-11-23T02:29:00.000-08:00

i wonder if contestants from the apprentice ever feel tired?

Braindead

2004-11-23T02:01:00.000-08:00

Did you ever have that feeling when you don't want to think? When all you wanna do is stare at the ceiling and the lizard crawling across it like it's the most interesting thing? Have you ever felt that all you wanna do in the middle of the workday is to pack your bags and leave? This has been definitely one of those days... I don't know if i'm burned out from the too many late nights that i've spent at work lately or it's because it's that time of the month... but all i really wanna do is go home and read a trashy novel like something that Candace Bushnell would write or watch a film that's a no brainer like rob schneider's movies... I'm dizzy and irritable and fatigued... this is definitely not a good day...

Anyway, it's already 6 PM and i can leave anytime i wanted to... but here i am drained and exhausted...i'm glued to my chair and it takes so much effort to just get up and leave... a zombie in my corporate cubicle... It's not that i don't love my work... i do... Really, i do... it's just that sometimes, i really want to play hooky and just spend my day the way that i want to spend it... Like being a total couch potato and just bumming around the house... tinkering and puttering and doing things that totally won't make a difference to anyone but me...I know that it's really wrong for me to bitch... considering that i am lucky to have a job that i adore... but today... today is just one of those days... By tomorrow, i'm sure i'd be singing a different tune... just give me time to go home and relax and watch the apprentice and sex and the city tonight... I'm sure that by 10 i'd be one happy girl... looking forward to another day of feeling important and feeling that i made a difference from everything i do... I'd just recharge my batteries and for sure... well okay then... somewhat sure... i'm somewhat sure that by tomorrow i'd be ready to run again and run fast...in this rat race that we call work...

2004-11-22T05:48:00.000-08:00

a toast to the good, ole days...

The good, ole drinkin days...

2004-11-22T01:09:00.000-08:00

It's been 2 days and I'm still feeling crappy... I feel as if my head would split into two yesterday because of the severe headache and nausea that i had... I was wondering if i got a flu or a stomach bug and then suddenly alvin reminded me that i drank last saturday night... My gosh! three measly shots of Jagermeister and i already have a hangover??? what's happening? Is this really a sign of the times? Am i really getting older?

I can still remember my college days when i would always come home with almost a bottle of tequila resting in my stomach... weekends wouldn't be complete without drinking binges and the nights we had in cable car in glorietta is something for the books... My brother darwin, never fails to remind me about the time i went home from a saturday night out, rip roaring drunk and with a tequila shot glass around my neck as my price of the night... Can you just imagine? A girl of around 18 winning in a tequila drinking contest... besting male and female contestants alike? I also remember the times when my friends and i would have no money at all, but we'd still primp and get dressed to the nines just to get ready for another gimmick... and what do we do for a drink? Well, we bring our own... here's a tip that i would give to all of you penny pinchers out there...in a mineral water bottle, mix vodka and seven-up or sprite, tote it in your bag, order one glass of vodka from the bar, refill with your own bottle once it's empty(but be discreet of course!)... and presto! you're stone drunk and you only paid a hundred bucks...that's what we used to do during our poor days, so to speak...but of course... it comes with consequences... like the time when my friends nanny mistook that concoction for real mineral water and mixed it with her nephew's milk...I remember the good times we had drinking from morning till night at my house, at tina's house, bars, musichouses... like there's no tomorrow...

But after awhile, you realize... there's more to life than that... you have to think about work and serious issues and you get tired of the scene and all you wanna do is stay home or watch movies and have coffee until 4 in the morning with your friends at starbucks rather than go visit the newest places like orange or absinth or temple... People might say it's the corniest thing in the world or say that we are killjoys or otherwise boring...But we've been there, done that... we had our fill... that's enough... but come to think of it... are we really corny for not going out anymore at the age of late 20's? is it? really? Well, for me... i don't see it as such... i see it as growing old and getting real...sure, it's fun to drink... but there's more to life than that ... like friendship...whether drunk or not...

Hail to Weekends

2004-11-19T03:18:00.000-08:00

Whew! what a week this was... I missed doing this! I missed writing my thoughts and feelings down in this blog...It was a draining and tiring week for me... Sure, we had the three day weekend last week, but with all the requirements that we have to fill , we were kept busy since tuesday and frankly, this has been the only free time that i've had to surf the net, even if i'm in front of the computer the entire week.

Thank God then for weekends... Weekends are definitely my most favorite days of the week... i look forward to being picked up by alvin after work on Fridays to go to a movie and dinner , even if we argue most of the time because of the terrible traffic. I look forward to staying up late knowing that i'll be in bed until noon the next day...i look forward to cold saturday mornings that i snuggle under the covers because i know that there's no need for me to get up and go to work early... i look forward to lolling around in my pajamas the whole day and not taking a bath until the last possible minute... i look forward to dinner with friends and having coffee at starbucks until 4 in the morning... i look forward to watching my favorite tv shows nonstop and updating myself with the latest showbiz gossip... I look forward to Sundays knowing that Alvin can spend the whole day with me... i look forward to cooking lunch for both him and Darwin and knowing full well that we can enjoy a good, home cooked meal together... i look forward to not thinking and just enjoying being with the people i love the most...But most of all i look forward to the time and the leisure of having a full 2 days to myself and knowing that I'm doing the things i love to do the most...

2004-11-11T02:03:00.000-08:00

a remembering...

An Ode to Tito Cesar

2004-11-10T17:51:00.000-08:00

Alvin and I were cuddling in bed last night, having a roaring good time when we suddenly thought of his dad... we suddenly turned serious and thought about the good, old days with Tito Cesar...It still pains alvin to think about him and i can see him turning misty eyed...My boyfriend's dad passed away a year ago... He was taken at a very young age...51 to be exact, because of a heart ailment...I am glad that i've gotten the chance to know him even if it's just for a short time and to be close to him. Because honestly, he's one of the remaining few good men that i know.

I remember when Tito Cesar was still alive and I used to sleep over at alvin's house during the weekends...he would cook meals that he experimented on (nilaga with tomato sauce, anyone?) and we would always have a laugh about it. Whenever no one wants to eat it... no matter how nasty it tastes like, he would painfully consume every last bite of it just to show us that he was once a chef at a restaurant as he always like to say...Alvin's dad loves spinning tall tales (he somewhat reminds me of the dad in big fish)... but you would stay riveted with all of his stories because they're so funny without him meaning it to be...He's one of the most patient and understanding people that i know of... His only vice is eating and he would spend the whole day just tinkering around the house...he tends to be shy and to keep to himself but he's definitely one heck of a family man...

Sometimes, you wonder how life goes... i never had a chance to share stories with my own father,but i met alvin and i've had a chance to see how it is to have a dad. It's funny that i would share more of myself to Tito Cesar rather than my own dad... But i know that no matter where tito cesar is right now...he's finally at peace... and i know that he feels never-ending happiness that even if he's long gone, he's still thought of dearly...not just of his family, but even me...

Life at work...

2004-11-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

Things are picking up at the office... we have a requirement for 72 agents to start by next week and we have to make sure that we deliver. Sure, we have a pool for that! But of course, we were kept busy the whole day calling people up and scheduling them for their final interviews with the program manager of the campaign tomorrow. But so far, it's 7:24 PM and mission accomplished! We only rendered about 1 1/2 hours worth of overtime and we have already covered our asses... We have made sure that we have the required number by tomorrow and that the candidates are of quality.

It gives me a different kind of high to work in such a fast- paced environment...It gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside to feel that my day was productive and i'm being of service not just to my employer but to other people as well (i'm working as a recruitment supervisor and technically, we give people jobs!)...Working for this company is simply the best... I know that i have made the right decision the moment i stepped in epixtar's doors. I have great bosses who are very supportive, i'm working in a cool environment with my own office to boot... Not to mention that i'm working alongside a great group of people who are not only my teammates but my friends as well...oh! and I almost forgot... the pay is not at all that bad...

It's good to know that after years of searching, i have finally found the perfect job for me... I've always been a people-person and i've always been nosey, so working in human resources is like a walk in the park for me... it's nice to know a lot of people and i always get so elated whenever i walk in the corridors of the office and people would greet me (no matter if i don't even remember them!)... I wouldn't exchange getting paid for something i love for anything else in the world!

No matter how tired i am today... i am happy... i feel that i have worth and that i did something good...but still, i'm excited to go home to my warm bed, burrow under the blankets and watch the amazing race... i will recharge for another hectic day tomorrow... Can't wait! :)

2004-11-08T18:35:00.000-08:00

sleeping is an art... according to snoopy

Sleeping in...

2004-11-08T17:18:00.000-08:00

Every weekday morning, it's as if i'm running a marathon...I wake up, dash out of bed, time my shower, put on my makeup and off i go to work...it's as if the day has not even started and i'm already harrased. I arrive at the office feelin' as if i've been through the wringer no matter if i haven't even began my tasks for the day yet. Come six o clock, i feel drained and tired and ready for bed even if the sun is still up... but the moment i arrive home... i'm wide awake...no matter how much i plan to sleep for 8 hours, the earliest i could go to bed would be around 12 MN... hence, when my alarm buzzes off, i feel as if i have just closed my eyes and it's already time to wake up. Hence, the marathon... the dashing, the running, the speed test for dressing up just to make it to the office on time. It's a vicious cycle.

But during weekends. i'm never one to sleep in or sleep late...Heck! I rarely even complete the required 8 hours of sleep which according to various magazines would make me glow and look completely refreshed. Come saturdays or sundays, i'm almost, always up by 9 or 10. No matter if i went to bed at 4 AM the night before, i somehow always manage to wake up at the same time, even if i plan to sleep until noon for my rest day...I remember when Tina, my bestfriend was here. We always have the same problem when it comes to sleeping. We would be on the phone by 9 AM (since there are no good tv shows at this hour on saturday or sunday mornings) and we would both begin our conversation by talking about our lack of sleep. We talk about it and still we can't do anything about it.

I just wonder why is it that during weekdays and i have work, i'm always sleepy because i've cut back on my hours of rest, and yet during weekends, despite the lack of sleep, i'm wide awake and can't even take a nap no matter how hard i try... Oh... the irony...

But in all honesty, sometimes it pays to be awake... I enjoy being awake...I can spend the time i'm up to catch up on rarely seen tv shows, finish a book that has been beside my bed for quite some time, spend more time with my brother/alvin/my friends and complete my tasks... I feel as if i'm missing out on life if i just spend the rest of the day sleeping... But sometimes, just sometimes... i just wish i am one of those people who have the ability to sleep at will...After all, i'm not one to refuse looking completely refreshed and having a healthy glow.

2004-11-07T23:15:00.000-08:00

the dreaded monday...

Of men and mondays...

2004-11-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

I hate it...hate it...hate it... It's another monday. The day i dread most in the week...start of another work week and 4 days to go before friday... *sigh*... to top it all off, i only had around 3 hours of sleep so i'm kinda walking around the office in a daze... my head muddled and my eyes glassy... somebody get me out of here! puhleezzee!!!

Why is it that i always feel depressed everytime it's a monday? The talks (not to mention the fights) that alvin and i normally have would always fall on a sunday midnight so that's technically monday... is this some cruel joke that fate has decided to bestow on me? That i almost always lack sleep the night before monday? Why is it that some of my officemates look absolutely chipper and rested everytime monday comes around? And then... there's me who always look like something the cat dragged in with my dark undereye circles and my monday headache...And what do you say is the cause of all of these this particular monday? Why...men of course! or just a certain man...my man...

I'd never understand the way he works for as long as i live... when i hooked up with him, i should have gotten an instruction manual or something that would key me in to the way his mind ticks... men are really different from women in more ways than one... This is a proven fact throughout all the ages...I don't know if it's my fault but somehow i just don't feel understood... there's no question about love but a committed relationship takes more than that... it also takes responsibility...I know that this would blow over in a couple of days...but still i can't really comprehend why we argue over the same things over and over again... but i know i'm not alone...this has been going on between couples all across the world since time immemorial...ahh... maybe i should just forget it... i know that no matter how much i worry my achy, little head about all of these things it would still keep happening again and again and again...besides, there are a lot more things that i have to go through and i have to worry about... like how to get past this monday without losing my mind...

2004-11-05T00:37:00.000-08:00

shopgirl at work

shopgirl

2004-11-04T19:43:00.000-08:00

why oh, why? that out of all things that i could be addicted to... I am addicted to spending! It's payday today and i barely got my money inside my wallet and I'm already thinking of what cute blouse to buy or what cool makeup to purchase... i just can't stop myself! arggggghhh!!! i am uncontrollable... somebody stop me! Just take me inside a mall and I couldn't really help myself... I need to buy something... Even if it's just a magazine or a candy bar, i still have to have a plastic bag that i can carry going out of that god damned mall...Come to think of it, the frappuccinos and lunches that i have everyday, can feed a starving family for days on end...so can someone please tell me why i am the way i am? I keep on telling myself that i should start saving and looking towards the future but the moment i see something in a magazine,i'm out of my chair/bed/house/office and i'm off to the mall.

Isn't it so that at this age, i should already be thinking of settling down and making a comfortable egg nest for my future? alvin, my boyfriend, gets awfully pissed whenever i spend uncontrollably. After all, he's my exact opposite. A 70 peso moviehouse is no different to him than one that charges 150. But still he's no match against my urge to spend... well, at least i spend my own money and i don't owe anyone anything. But come the 20th and i already can't make ends meet. Promise! i would start saving by next year... it's written down here and i would remember it...i would keep my word... its as good as written on stone... but for now, there's that cute hooded jacket that i need to buy... :)

Blogs, journals etc...

2004-11-03T22:00:00.000-08:00

Here i go again starting a new online journal... I've been through it all... xanga, tabula... name it ...for sure i have an account with that particular blog site...So why start a new journal right? well, basically i just want to start anew....there are some entries in my old journal that i now regret having put there... There are some thoughts and some feelings that i had before which i thought were right and noble but boy! was i wrong... I now realize that it was plain STUPIDITY which made me say the things i said before in my old journal...teehee... so move along, erase the stupid parts and repeat the process... find another blog site (preferably one with a cute template...hehehe!) and start all over again.

i wish life was this uncomplicated... do something wrong or say something nasty and you can just forget about it with a simple click of the mouse or by switching to another journal site..but no, of course we have to go through all the nasty procedure of eating our words and lowering our pride so that you can undo what was done in order for you to move on... sometimes it even takes more than that in order for the wounds to heal and for the parties involved to at least be civil again... but the important part there is the realization that you did something and that you have the desire to fix the wrongs you've done and change...

I just wish that it would be the same with this new journal. I hope that all the things i say here and the things i'd put down won't make me cringe in embarassment a couple of months after i've written it. I wish that i won't look back and say ... was i that selfish? or did i really get mad over that??? or geez...this is really gross... how could i have liked that person/want that bag/throw a tantrum over nothing... but for now i really can't tell... i'd just go with the flow, be my normal impulsive self and write down the things i'm feeling...after all though I feel like crap after reading something I've written eons ago... it also gives me a deep feeling of satisfaction to know that after 28 years, i'm finally maturing... :)

Note to self: Give myself a pat on the back... I've come a long way baby! :)